Feeling-our-Emotions The Passionate Warriors

Feeling our Emotions

I remember one night a while back during ceremony, I was talking to my friend, telling her, "I feel desensitized from any emotion, I cannot feel my heart". What I meant by it is that I could not feel my own emotions and feelings. It felt as if my body, my vessel, had another vessel within itself where my emotions were kept safely, away from the dangers of getting hurt. It was bothering me as it was getting in the way of my higher self, who I wanted to become.
Holding space during ceremony teaches you to check your emotions and leave them out when entering the space of a person in their journey. This person could be crying, going through a difficult time but I will be there for this person, fully present, holding space without being affected by his or her emotions. There was a catch-22 that I failed to realize until it hit me like a ton of bricks . I got very good at holding space, every weekend for several years, that I neglected to " check-in" with my own feelings and emotions. Unable to take the time to process my emotions because life got in the way: work, relationships , distractions, etc...,
I've stuffed all my feelings and emotions in this space between myself, impervious to anything happening to my body and mind.
"I got no time to sit with my emotions", the loud voice of my Gemini self would say, while the other Gemini whispered " you're hurting yourself and others, it IS time". Not being able to sit with my emotions meant that I can't feel them for what they are and thus I couldn't feel the feelings and emotions from the people I love in the same way.
Well, life presents itself at the right time and for the right reasons. There is so much one can handle and one way or the other, the dam will crack under pressure. It happened during ceremony while I was not facilitating. I went into this space inside of me, trying to open it, but I faced a force of ruthless female Egyptian warriors that were protecting my feelings and emotions with fangs and claws. They did not let me in. I was shocked because I created this space, but I lost the key to access my own soul. Later that night, I found the key; THE way to access my feelings and emotions. Someone in the space I was in ceremony, started to cry. A very emotionally painful cry as if she had lost someone. A tiny voice inside of me told me " that's it" and that I should piggy back on her lead. I didn't understand this until the sad faces of the people I've hurt came to mind. I started to feel them being hurt by me. A flood of emotions took over my core. From a place I didn't know it existed in my heart, a wail of thunder came out and I started to cry and with gusto. The floodgates were open, a torrent of emotions rushed flowing and I was overwhelmed with all those feelings and emotions I've suppressed and rejected all this time because I didn't want to feel them. I let it all out!
Since then I feel lighter, more connected and true to myself. It has become better for me to get in touch with my emotions.
We all find ways to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We build walls around us, go into our "happy space" in our heads where everything is fine. The problem comes when we build walls we cannot jump over or spend too much time in our heads, neglecting the connection with our bodies, our heart and soul. Allowing myself to feel, to take it all in, all my emotions, makes me feel more connected to my body and with my true self.
Back to blog

Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.