Post Ceremony Reflection: I got everything I need.
Post ceremony reflection: " I got everything I need".
I hear this quite often from people on their very first night of drinking Ayahuasca. They get to sit with the medicine, have the experience of going inwards and face their emotional issues head on. Soon after ceremony is over, we get to talk about their journey, talking about how it unfolded, the visions, the messages, the purge. Many express that it was not what they expected, how the journey turned difficult, how they encounter struggles, and had to face their fears and core issues. It is at this point when, almost without exception, they tell me that Ayahuasca gave them the message that everything is fine with their lives, and they don't need to sit with it the next day of ceremony. They just want to leave. I listen to what they're saying and ask what happened when they got this message. Most of the answers I get is that they have faced a dark side they didn't expect and got scared. They justify their reason to leave with " I got everything I need " and/or I'm tired, is exhausting, it's painful, I wasn't ready to see it or was expecting this or that. All this is valid and having experienced it myself, totally true and understandable. Most of them packed their things and leave the next day. Few of them want to leave even before the ceremony is over. A few months later, I see them back on the mat. When I ask " what brings you back this time?", almost everyone tells me that they got scared of what they saw and didn't want to deal with that at that time. They saw what was at the door of fear they have just cracked open and didn't want to cross that threshold. They just wanted the ordeal to be over and leave. They've realized later that they have to push through when it gets rough. Instead they feel that they've tap out when it got ugly and feel the need of closure, to continue where they left.
" that what you want, is on the other side of fear ".
I am not saying this is the case for everyone. Many people do get what they came for but usually are those who stay throughout the entire ceremony, those that gave all they got despite of how ugly and intense it gets to then savor the rewards of doing the work in the end.
" Ayahuasca is going to give you what you need, not necessarily what you want". You need to understand and be ok with this in order to do this spiritual and emotional process.
Healing is not pretty amigos! It is not all beautiful visions and out of body experiences. It takes work, pain and tears to push open that door of fear and solve the issues that are holding you back. There is a reason why people come to Ayahuasca. It is personal to everyone. For many is to heal emotional trauma. For others is to kill the ego. No one forced them to drink Ayahuasca however. Everyone comes on their own accord. They have asked for the experience...but they didn't think it was going to be this way. It is ok to feel this way.
I think what happens in most cases is that their ego got the best of them when the struggle comes. The ego is very cunning. We created it to protect us, born from our past experiences in life. It is neither good or bad. It just is! It is easy to give in and believe everything it says, especially when we face our darkness. It tell us " you don't need to experience this, your life is fine. Your pains and sorrows are familiar. Why dive into terrories that you're not familiar with? This is your life's story, and you have dealt with it the best way you think you could. Why change it now...tonight? Back out now." Ayahuasca, allows to drop those walls and give you the opportunity to face them head on. This can be an absolutely terrifying and intense process. I've been there myself.
If we get the opportunity to talk when a situation like this happens, I will ask you this: is this your ego talking you out of it or is it your higher self talking? Your higher self knows exactly what the right answer is.
You can always come back to the mat when you're willing and ready. Sometime we are willing to do the work but maybe not all that ready when it gets ugly and dark. A good preparation period is essential for this process. Instead of running away, turn around and face what you fear. You will find your healing on the other side of fear.