Control: The Illusion, the Fear, and the Way Through

There are three things I’ve seen that terrify people down to the bone. Control is one of them.*

In ceremony, when the medicine hits deep, too deep for some, you see it. The fear. The grip tightening. People hold on for dear life, afraid of losing their minds, afraid of letting go. Afraid of what might happen if they’re not in charge anymore. The moment reality bends, the moment the ego slips, the moment the body doesn’t cooperate, they panic. They try to hold on tighter. That grip is the very thing standing in the way of surrender, healing, and growth.

Outside the ceremony space, it’s no different. Look at the world. Wars are started over control. Territory, resources, narratives, pride. People fight to maintain position, save face, dominate others, and hold their ground. Control becomes currency. People cling to it like their life depends on it.

One thing we often fail to control is the one thing that actually matters: ourselves.

We try to control outcomes, people, plans, timelines. We struggle to sit with our own discomfort. We can’t sit still in uncertainty. We haven’t trained ourselves to control the inner landscape. If you can't command your own vessel, then what are you even trying to control?

People may say it’s impossible. “I can’t control my thoughts.” “My body reacts on its own.” Maybe. There’s one thing, one powerful, overlooked key that is always within reach.

The breath.

You can always return to it. In the chaos. In the fear. In the spiral. You can anchor there.

Control begins at the inhale.

Power is found in the exhale.

One breath after another. As you build calm within yourself, you move forward with confidence.

So if you ever forget where you are or what to do next, remember this:

You can breathe.

That means you're alive.

And that’s something you can control.

*The other two? Shame and death. I’ll speak on those soon.