Life at 51

I’ve had a lot of moments in life where I told myself, one day. One day things would line up. One day I would finally feel free, grounded, and stable. One day I would live without carrying the weight of struggle and survival on my back.

That day came quietly. Not with fireworks. Not with a big announcement. Just me realizing I made it through. I put in the work, and the foundation is here.

Turning 50 was a milestone for me, a turning point. It did not feel like an ending. It felt like being a kid again, starting from scratch with new eyes. A year later, at 51, I do not feel old, although my body may feel otherwise sometimes. Deep down, I feel like I have stepped into my 20s again. Only this time, I am wiser, better, and ready to do the things I did not do before, the things I only thought of, or that never occurred to me until now.

My daughter turned 20 a few days ago. That blows my mind. When I look back at my own 20s, I was completely clueless. I was rushing through it without even knowing what I was doing, searching for belonging, searching for who I wanted to be, testing my worth, and making mistakes I could not even recognize at that time, only decades later when I understood the meaning of each one of them.

So here I am now. Gray in my hair. Calm in my voice. Presence in my steps. I am not rushing anymore. I am not trying to prove anything. I am building. Slow, steady, with a foundation that can carry me wherever I choose to go. I feel like 20 years old with 31 years of experience, standing at the start of something new.

This is my rising. My becoming. My second wind. Thank you for watching.